Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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