this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
