I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
