fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
