Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
