Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
