I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
