he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
