whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
