This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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