and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
there is glitter all over my balls
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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