I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
