you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
