Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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