opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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