I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
