just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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