And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
