currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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