she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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