Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This house was built for laser tag.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
