can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
