she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
