So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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