don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
