Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
