Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
