she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
