nut hugger
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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