He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
