3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
