So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
