I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
