Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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