i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
