I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
