): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
