I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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