I wish my penis had an off switch
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Randomize
