i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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