Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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