I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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