This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
