that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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