dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
