We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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