dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize