That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
