You're my little dorito
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
