so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
