the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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