he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I want a musical about memes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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