is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
