Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
