ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize