She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i believe in u and ur pee
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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