You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
