Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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