All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I smell like Dick and happiness
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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