: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Randomize
