I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
