Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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