Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
