She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
