I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
