she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
