that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
