yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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