we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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