I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
