Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
