your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
