its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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